I’m using one of my lesser known blogs to provide a link here because this will be quite long, and I don’t want to clutter up this conversation with tons on syntax. As you suspect, I was perturbed about a week ago. Let me expand. My ex, Pamela had three heart attacks in Salt Lake. In spite of her brother, Les, telling me how great health care is up there, she nearly died as the Mormon doctors tried to figure out how to unwrap a stent before insertion. She had to come all the way back, during a fourth attack, driving all the way, to Harker Heights of all places so a real doctor could clean up the mess left by Salt Lake, and put real stents in. Now, bear in mind that made four operations. They cut so many holes in her legs that they were running out of room. Naturally, all of this made her a tad bit indisposed, having pain in her chest. On the Saturday night that I spoke with my son Wilbur in California she was having more chest pains, and I was intensely watching her to see if we needed to get the paramedics out here and go back for another operation.
Let me give you the scenario of the conversation between me and my son. First off, like his brother, Tim, and my step son, Mike, these three boys have been ticked off since 1986 because I married Pam, and there is no forgiveness. They all trace everything that ever happened to them back to that event. Frankly, I want to ask, which golf course did they notlike? I had texted Wilbur, asking just for a little moral support. I got a tongue lashing! During the call, laced by Rum on his end, and Jim Beam on mine, which went up to two hours, I periodically checked to see if Pam were still alive. I crappith thee NOT! The FaceTime would fail, and during reconnection, I’d check to see if she was still breathing. Then, the connection would revive, and he’d pile on me again. I’m so blessed.
Wilbur’s contention was that I had deserted my family, threw in with the Woodwards, Pam’s family, and began raising five kids that weren’t even family. Jackie gave up everything, Pam gave up everything, I gave up everything, for those babies. They don’t know anything but PaPa and Pam. We are their lives. They are not garbage to be taken to the road! I don’t fit in out in California. While I may fly out to sign a contract, I will never live there, nor am I welcome, and I know it! So, what my son wants is me alone, waiting to die. Well, I’m not going to do that. How can I do that to five little fellows lining up for breakfast every morning? “Daddy” died. Momma’s sick. PaPa is all they’ve got.
For the first time ever I couldn’t wait to end that phone call. I wasn’t angry, I just knew where the cows ate the cabbage. My son, and his family are vastly different from me. In twenty-three years we have grown apart, and there is no mending it. This is life, and I bear no ill feelings. We’re just different, that’s all. I’m still proud of his career, but we can’t have a conversation without the venom against Pamela eventually coming out, and I can’t handle the pure hate any more. For the record, that’s what drove me out of California. I did enjoy the desert, the wine, and the weather, but there was always an undercurrent of unresolved issues. I’d just lost everything I ever worked for. If I were a Liberal Democrat I’d say I was depressed, but I’m not, and I don’t have time for that kind of nonsense. God led me back to Texas, and gave me a job to do. I’m going to do that job!
Now, combine this with Pam’s family in Utah. Family, LOL, I use the term loosely. After Pam went under the knife in Salt Lake, her sister, Jane, came to her recovery room and told her she needed Pam to sign over her house, her kids, her money, and promise to step out of the kid’s lives, never to return again. She also ran to the CPS and made all kinds of allegations to seal the deal. She did this through a friend of hers that is a social worker. Covered her tracks. After all, Jane is, “Temple Worthy.” Jane gave me a special deal. If I were to quit smoking, drinking and swearing, I may be “allowed” supervised visits, but that wasn’t a promise. Basically, I had to become a Temple Mormon before I would be allowed to even speak to my grandchildren. Her other brother, Tony, retired Navy, was the only family member who came rushing to help as Pam was transported in the ambulance in Utah. It is my firm opinion that Jane and her friend framed him up good and proper to remove the last obstacle to her new found wealth. That is the one thing I will address. He didn’t have that coming. Now, Let’s bring in Les, Pam and Jane’s brother. On my back porch he told me I had no more say in the kids and that they, the Woodwards were in control now. I just sat there, smoked a cigarette, and let this Cackle Babble Head in a Box ramble on.
Doc told me that I had to forgive, and God would take care of everything. Boy, what a horse pill, but I did it. Doc is a good man who stands good before God, and with all this I don’t need God mad at me. I was cranked up to destroy Jane’s, Les’s and all their descendants’ lives, but I pulled back, and within 24 hours their lives went poo poo. By running her mouth, Jane opened up a can of worms, i.e. her own criminal history. So much for her ever adopting an Orangutan! And Les? Well, if you open his closet there are enough skeletons dancing in there to form a troop of Rockettes. Now Les and Jane are too busy swatting them bees to ever worry about stealing anyone’s kids. I didn’t do this, they did it to themselves!
All of this has made me come to a big ol’ bowl of sour milk. First off, I’m going to continue to write. If you will note, except for my article, “Family” last week, none of this crept into any of my public work. Next, I will tone down my connections with my family in California. Now, I won’t be mean. I just think of them as people I’ve met, but don’t really know. They aren’t bad people, they’re just different. To Wilbur’s credit, he didn’t want a thing out of this, unlike Jane and Les, he just thought I was better off just leaving the situation. It was just that he was so antiseptic about the whole thing. There was no sense of family there. I got the impression that I, and the kids, are an embarrassment he’d rather not be bothered with. He has a full plate with gravy on it, so I can’t judge. He’s rotating to the Middle East every month, the Navy lets him fly home to use the rest room, and then it’s back again, so until I walk a mile in his shoes I have no opinion. That having been said, I need to focus on this here.
He said that I’d never live to see this project completed, and he may be right. So, what I’m going to do is work hard to leave the kids with family and set up when I’m no longer in the picture. They have good income (that’s what Jane and Les wanted to steal) three houses, college, medical, and each other. I just have to get Puck to 17, and then she can take the helm and run things. I’m going to depend on my family here to advise her when that day comes.
Jackie’s only wish was that her children grown up together, and never be apart. She and Pamela struck a deal, and Jackie never relented. She kept the agreement! “Dad, I am standing at the gates of the Alamo. They’re going to get me, but not my kids!” Pamela is just struggling to live. We have got to face the eventuality that one day she will not be in the picture and I will be left. Pam depended on her Salt Lake family, but, as you see, that is not at all feasible. I’ve got to engineer a situation where if I face the future without her the children will not be harmed. I canNOT depend on Wilbur or anything in California. His plate is more than full, and it’s not fair of me to ask anything.
I’m not asking for money. I’m not even asking for babysitting. All I’m asking for is family. A friendly word, advice, a Christmas Card. I will never retreat from these children. They will grow up together, and go on to a productive life. The chest pains Saturday night turned out to be surgical pains as far as we can tell. Pam is now out and about, but I can tell that all of this has taxed her. She still has a lingering faith in her “family,” but that will wane. Since the divorce, ordered by the CPS, I have been outside the circle. Nicole, our last CPS Case worker has decided that this is wrong, and after three visits, I’m still here! That’s all I ask. Write, raise the kids, sit on my porch and write more. Quite simple actually.
The children simply must settle down into one place. When Joe was going down they made not one, but three trips from Texas to Utah in a year. Then, they had to watch him fall on the floor, bleed, choke, and die. Then, BACK to Utah, Jane’s attack, and BACK to Texas. This has to stop. We had a wonderful trip to Austin yesterday, and did the Domain. They ate Italian, and played with iPads at the Apple Store. All the last four years I’ve painted California as being the Promised Land. We have stopped even saying that word in this house and began to concentrate on Texas. I can show them Texas. I don’t want them growing up in a place so filled with animosity. They have to remember Pam as “Mommy,” and Texas as home.
You will see much more production out of me. Also, I have a keen interest in “Killing John Doe,” and want to hook them up with Doc so he can advise them. Sean and the group have a lot of talent, but I don’t want them to have to make all the mistakes that I made. Interesting note: While I was trying to write hits, I was busy climbing telephone poles raising those three guys that are so intent on disowning me now. Like I said, which golf course did they not like?
Finally, I’m not angry. I can’t afford to be. I’m not on a vendetta against Les or Jane. That would use time I can’t afford to spend. Each article has to be better than the one before. I’ve been compared to Hemmingway, all but the shotgun thing at the end, which sucked. The problems in Utah? God will take care of that. May he change their hearts and minds, and may they go on to a productive life. I’m excited about the future. The three oldest are now trying to write articles, like PaPa. New Baby can’t write, or spell and knows nothing about grammar, so we gonna make him an editor. Thank you all for your time, and I hope to hear from all of you. Your prayers, and advice are welcome. I’m leaving this group up. I’ll need advice now and then. The children will grow in a loving family. You all are family, even Jim.
